Ponce de Leon

Will you tell me a story Ponce de Leon?
Did you accomplish all you wanted?
I sought the world too
Our paths from there diverged

I moved on from the place where I first knew your name
Friends came with me for part of the way
In the middle of the journey
Curiosity has me questioning fundamentals

On San Francisco Street we saw the mourners
Gathered in one place moving in a haze
We sat among them, separate still
Anxious to move onward to the canyon

Stopping to reassess what I have garnered
Your letters from 1942 I sift through
Tell me about the places you have been
I held your hand trying to divine your thoughts

Questioning the concept of faith
I believe you searched for the wrong grail
Along with your lessons, I have found
Hope is the spring of rebirth

How do I listen to what my heart is thinking?
How do I discover when I emphasize the dramatic?
Where is the essence, the kernel, of truth when surrounded by peripherals?
What I long for
What I need
What I deserve
What I want

Do these thoughts clouds the initial emotions?
What do I know to be the truth?
Does what the truth is matter?
Could misdirection bring what I desire?
Is this the beginning?
Is this an illusion?
Is illusion reality?
Is this right path?

Can imagination bring forth realization?
Is over- analyzation the root to death?
Can acceptance overcome uncertainty?
Does action overcome fear?
Does it exist?
Does it need to?
Does the right now?

Why is my heart beating so hard?
Are these words so powerful?
Are these thoughts?
Is my heart answering my questions?
Do I know the truth?
Can I surmount inaction?

I realize I’ve been here before
I’ve been wrong before
I don’t regret it
But being mistaken about this will hurt
When will I be right?
Will I know?

Can I take the chance?
Can I leap too soon?
Isn’t risk worth the consequences?
Why do I fear?

Bookstore

Smell of autumn on my fingers is fading
Dragging me into hibernation
Moving me to ignore the world
until the sun can yet wake me again

The sun finds my mind
Illuminating my curiosity with Books
Old wisdom and young idealists
Bound in the pages, calling for a read

Winter is coming
The season is not a place holder
tiding you over til love breaks forth
In the season of birth, Spring

Music energizes my body
Move girl, move
This world is not for the sleepy
Find your rhythm and move

Find the words and the movement
The places calling for your attention
Enjoy them all the more
Reliving the experience in writing

November 9th, 2006

Pollen

Pressure building, Head pounding,
Sinuses screaming - Congestion

Scratching, Sneezing, Dripping nose
One Nostril passing air

Throaty voice, Elmer Fudd nose
Can you understand me?

Decongestant, Antihistamine, Decongestant
Four boxes of tissue
Allergies

5/17/06

Racing in the Moment

I want to race across to the ocean with you to see what our hearts will do
To face the breakers in the cold fierce wind with eyes to the horizon
Standing on a cliff with arms held out and twirling around in the sun
Laughing at the blur of all things that flash by
our legs fly over the ground

Like walking in the rain on a hot summer's day
I feel the steam rising from my skin
Holding hands just know that we have touched one another in some way
How much time is too much
how long do you need to think about someone
The electricity that I watch with fascination
mesmerized by me and you

To always leap and dance with absolute abandon and joy
Spin me around one more time only to spin me back your way
A moment is all I need
To know how to breathe though it is hitched
To always be tormented by lack of oxygen and recognition

Hitchcock's Genius

The water is moving rapidly today
I sit here and feel the moisture in the wood from last night's rain
A front is coming in
I don't need the weather man to tell me
I can feel it in the wind as it blows my hair in front of my eyes
Making my writing hard to see
I see the front coming in the river's choppy waves
The sun is out and really that is what I care about
Too many storms and overcast days have clouded my mind for sometime
I write better here even with the seagull staring at me
Reminding me that Hitchcock was a genius
The gull wants food and is only three feet from me
All I have is coffee
I wonder what a hopped up on caffeine seagull would look like

March 16, 2006

The Science of Breathing

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Stressed, I breathe faster, shallow.
The world is spinning too fast for me.

Relaxed, I breathe slower, rhythmic.
Wisdom are my actions and motions.

Not finding my breath, the world ceases to exist.
I work solely on substaining a breath.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Breathing is voluntary motion.
Apathy is my abhorrence.

March 29, 2006

Doubt

How can I doubt myself
Mistakes I make are my own
I learn to own who I am
Who else can I be

Who else is there to judge me if not myself
Others can only reflect mistakes that I've made
Not flaws in character
I am the possessor of those

I am not here to judge people around me
I'd cast the stones upon myself first
Not for sins that I have done
But not to hurt any who are in my company

For what is this life if not to touch another
To feel a touch that is in love
Far too often we brush up against another's edges
Bruised and cut by unintentional words and actions

I do not want this from myself
I offer down the humblest apologies
Life is already a myriad of unanswered questions
I do not want anyone's scars to come from me

April 03,2006

Mile after Mile

In every mile I left a part of myself
In every cloud I left a little fairytale
Would not turn around
My brain only knows how to go forward
Even if my heart is slower, lingering in my memories

Turning forward requires better energy than I have
Small increments is all I can handle
Focusing when my brain wants to be superficial
Splits me into separate personalities again

I am doing the best I can
The emotional ability available to me
Is not at a peak
And I am scared of staying in retreat

Somewhere out there is a cloud with my name on it
Somewhere I will start out on new ground
I feel myself gearing up for the emotional shift
While staving off the impatience to change